SCOTT SIMON, HOST:
Twenty-five years after 9/11, some survivors are still reluctant to tell their stories. Rocco Fertoli, a captain with the New York City Fire Department, was there in Lower Manhattan that day and spent the weeks thereafter helping with rescue and recovery. It's taken years for him to open up about his experience. But he's finally shared it with his daughter, reporter Annmarie Fertoli.
ANNMARIE FERTOLI, BYLINE: I always felt guilty asking my father questions about one of the worst days of his life. But recently, while watching D-Day anniversary coverage, he told me he regretted never talking to his father - my grandfather - about his Army service during World War II.
ROCCO FERTOLI: I think it bothered him to do - to talk about it. So. I'm sure he lost a whole bunch of friends that day as well - comrades in arms.
A FERTOLI: When my dad expressed that regret, I told him I felt the same about 9/11, and he surprised me by agreeing to an interview. My father was up early on 9/11. He had the day off and was watching TV when a news alert came on - a plane had hit the North Tower of the World Trade Center. He wasn't sure what was happening. But when he saw the second plane hit the South Tower, he knew it was an attack.
R FERTOLI: My plan was to go to the firehouse first, being I was a captain, and I had keys to the lockers and all. And I knew I can get tools, and I knew I can get a bunch of guys to go with me and go downtown. My plan was to go to Manhattan.
A FERTOLI: My father boarded a bus full of first responders. On their way into Manhattan, they heard on the radio that the South Tower had collapsed. Then, as they were about to get off the bus, they watched in disbelief as the North Tower came down.
R FERTOLI: I remember a plume of smoke, lot of noise, lot of gasping, a lot of people running. It was sheer panic at that point.
A FERTOLI: First responders dug through debris for weeks, finding human remains and personal effects that helped identify the victims. There were pictures of missing people posted on fences, handed out at hospitals that haunted my father. He was angry he wasn't able to do more, especially for his fellow firefighters.
R FERTOLI: You lost 343 guys that day, and I didn't find any of them. I didn't drag any of them out alive.
A FERTOLI: First responders, especially the FDNY, are hailed as heroes for their response to 9/11. But my dad doesn't like to apply that term to himself. He's 75 now and has only been to the redeveloped World Trade Center site twice since the recovery ended. But he suggests we walk the route he took 25 years ago. And as we're making our way down the west side of Lower Manhattan, he describes what happened that day.
R FERTOLI: We got maybe a block down past Chambers, and we ran into one of the commissioners. He had lost a whole bunch of his people there. And he was pretty - I'd say he wasn't in shock, but he was pretty close to it.
A FERTOLI: As we walk, he scans buildings, pointing out where certain things happened. He recalls vivid scenes of complete devastation - vehicles crushed under concrete, civilians and firefighters running from the site, covered in dust. We make our way to the memorial plaza, set back from the noise of the street. Waterfalls flow into two reflecting pools where the Twin Towers once stood. I ask my dad how it feels to be back here and what he's thinking about.
R FERTOLI: You lost a lot of friends that day, you know? We lost - probably lost 30, 35 members that day that I knew and I worked with.
A FERTOLI: It calls to mind the challenges many of his friends face now.
R FERTOLI: And now we're just losing even more as the guys get sicker and sicker.
A FERTOLI: That legacy follows many of the 9/11 survivors, especially first responders. Many of my dad's friends are sick from their exposure, with respiratory issues, cancers, post-traumatic stress disorder. The list goes on. So I get why my dad doesn't like to talk about this. He's decided to now because I asked him and because he wishes he had asked my grandfather more about World War II.
R FERTOLI: Not that this was a war, but it was a pretty devastating day. I think that's the reason I finally gave in and came down.
A FERTOLI: My dad thinks telling his story might help us be more open with each other and that it might help others listening to open up to their loved ones, too. So thank you to my dad, retired FDNY Captain Rocco Fertoli, for sharing his story.
SIMON: And that's reporter Annmarie Fertoli in New York City.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by an NPR contractor. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.